Hi Mona,
I've had strong feelings for a guy for about a year now. The thing is, he doesn't know it. There are clues that tell me he was into me, but can I be wrong?
We are both in college, and last year we lived down the hall from each other. We shared the same bathroom and study lounge, etc. Although we saw each other a lot, we never talked. He is probably the first guy I was into, and whenever I was around him I shut down and closed up. He made me very nervous, but on the inside I was so happy to be around him. I constantly failed to make eye contact with him, which is something I regret now.
There were times when he would try to find an excuse to be around me. For example, he would come in the bathroom and use the sink (but it was obvious he had no need to). Also, while studying in the lounge, he would come in and sit next to me when there was plenty of other seats around. Sometimes when I got out of the shower and walked to my room, he would hurry down the hall to get a drink at the fountain or something. I just got the feeling that he wanted to be around me, but I was so nervous around him.
I am confused because he had pictures of women up in his room, and he would talk about "doing girls" his friends. Although I have never seen him kiss a girl or hold hands or anything, it makes me wonder whether or not I am wasting my time being attracted to this guy. Did he just want friendship or something more?
Confused College Guy
Dear Confused,
First, let's get the pictures of women and the spanking girl talk out of the way. This could have been a complete front, especially if he wasn't out. College is a hot bed for sexual exploration and discovery. His need to be near you could be seen as an innuendo, but the only way you could've been sure was to get to know him.
Given the past tense of your question, I'm assuming your neighbor has moved to another part of campus. It is, however, a very small world and an even smaller campus. You may have missed your room to room possibility this time, but if the opportunity strikes again step beyond the wall of anxiety and return his subtle hints. Don't come on too strong, this may only scare him away. Make him a friend or look for an excuse to talk to him. Play the game. As my best friend always tells me, "You gotta be in it to win it!"
Get the strength and return the glances. If he sits next to you, ask him to study together. I met my first boyfriend the same way. I avoided his glances and innuendos at first, and then started a conversation which later turned into me coyly giving him a kiss on the forehead one night. I clearly recall running home terrified after I did it. To my surprise, instead of making fun of my forwardness, he later called me and told me his crush was mutual. Take a chance and see if your crush can turn into first love.
Yours in love,
Mona
source from http://gaylife.about.com/od/gaysexquestionsanswers/qt/gaycollege.htm